Found this poem framed at a thrift store yesterday and it is very inspiring to me. It said it was written in1692 butreally was written in 1920
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. Max Ehrmann c.1920
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Of Falling Hearts and Snow
Sparse little snowflakes,
Descend gently on parched golden blades
Preparing the earth for the weight of wintry white
Though a blizzard of thoughts of you races through my mind
I’ll control this hasty dive
Toward your heart’s securest place
I know I don’t know you,
But my soul’s inner voice says I do
And like the steady rhythm of the softly dropping snow
I’ll patiently gather your smallest thoughts to truly know
I’ll float and fall with slowness
To let those feelings grow on you
And shed the cold with gold and violet tones
Descend gently on parched golden blades
Preparing the earth for the weight of wintry white
Though a blizzard of thoughts of you races through my mind
I’ll control this hasty dive
Toward your heart’s securest place
I know I don’t know you,
But my soul’s inner voice says I do
And like the steady rhythm of the softly dropping snow
I’ll patiently gather your smallest thoughts to truly know
I’ll float and fall with slowness
To let those feelings grow on you
And shed the cold with gold and violet tones
The lesson a “bully” taught me
When I was in 5th grade, I was much better at making enemies than friends. I had my share of run-ins with neighborhood bullies, both male and female. Looking back, I realize that most of these “bullies” were themselves the object of ridicule. Michael Black, who was responsible for the scar on my left knee had a facial mole the size of his well used fist. Clifford who met me at the flagpole for a fight was quite small for his age. Michelle plume was held back one grade level in school, which meant she was the same grade as her younger, smarter and prettier sister. Because she did not comb her naturally curly hair nicely or wear brand name clothes, she was accused of starting the lice outbreak that year. I realize now how cruel children can be in talking about others who are different in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Unfortunately I was one of those children on both sides of the teasing.
I can’t remember what exactly started the fight between Michelle and I, but I remember running away from her on a frosty afternoon after school. I can still see the chilly blurr of white in my peripheral vision as I focused on my on the speed and accuracy of my feet navigating the icy walkway. I had managed to stay ahead of her for three blocks and was almost home-free.
As I raced down the final steep hill and crossed the busy street to my house, I heard a blood curdling scream. Michelle had slipped on some ice at the bottom of the hill and had cut her lip in the fall. At first I continued running toward the safety of a locked door at home, but then something stopped me. I turned around toward her and found myself offering my help. I breathlessly approached a scene of blood mixed with ice on the slushy sidewalk and since my mom wasn’t home, I took her to my neighbor who lived a couple doors down.
I can’t remember what happened, but I know she was bandaged up and impressed that someone would help her—especially someone who went to church with me. We didn’t fight anymore after that. I had more understanding toward her situation, although I can’t say we became close friends either.
But what is left for me to ponder is how who we come to consider others our enemies. The ideas of loving your enemy and turning the other cheek are very difficult for me to use in my daily life. I suppose it was easy to turn around and help Michelle because I could see she was hurting. When I saw what she needed in that moment, I no longer saw her as an antagonist but a sister. She was just as vulnerable to pain and hurt feelings as I.
Today I have different bullies in my life. These do not hurt with physical violence, but cause mental anguish by wielding the weapons of gossip, fault-finding, and apathy. I have found that it is much harder to forgive those who hurt in more subtle ways than the open childhood taunts and teasings of yesterday. But if I juxtapose these difficult relationships with what I learned with Michelle, I must conclude that those who hurt others are truly in pain themselves.
Perhaps, I can strive to be more aware of these people’s inner minds. Perhaps I can be the first to help, when someone finds himself immobilized by the results of his choices. Perhaps that little bit of help will be enough for me to see another as they really are, rather than regarding someone as a bad person for hurting my feelings. And maybe if I am truly honest with myself, I will see the hurt I may have caused others by my own impulsive and emotional and sometimes irrational thinking.
In each instance, I have found that those individuals who have hurt me are not much different than this 5th grader I knew long ago. They too feel pain and will respond differently when I bind up their wounds with understanding, rather than exacerbating their injuries with self-righteousness. The lesson I learned from a bully, is helping me to strive for mutual understanding through peaceful, rather than forceful means. May I remember that before any further hurt occurs.
I can’t remember what exactly started the fight between Michelle and I, but I remember running away from her on a frosty afternoon after school. I can still see the chilly blurr of white in my peripheral vision as I focused on my on the speed and accuracy of my feet navigating the icy walkway. I had managed to stay ahead of her for three blocks and was almost home-free.
As I raced down the final steep hill and crossed the busy street to my house, I heard a blood curdling scream. Michelle had slipped on some ice at the bottom of the hill and had cut her lip in the fall. At first I continued running toward the safety of a locked door at home, but then something stopped me. I turned around toward her and found myself offering my help. I breathlessly approached a scene of blood mixed with ice on the slushy sidewalk and since my mom wasn’t home, I took her to my neighbor who lived a couple doors down.
I can’t remember what happened, but I know she was bandaged up and impressed that someone would help her—especially someone who went to church with me. We didn’t fight anymore after that. I had more understanding toward her situation, although I can’t say we became close friends either.
But what is left for me to ponder is how who we come to consider others our enemies. The ideas of loving your enemy and turning the other cheek are very difficult for me to use in my daily life. I suppose it was easy to turn around and help Michelle because I could see she was hurting. When I saw what she needed in that moment, I no longer saw her as an antagonist but a sister. She was just as vulnerable to pain and hurt feelings as I.
Today I have different bullies in my life. These do not hurt with physical violence, but cause mental anguish by wielding the weapons of gossip, fault-finding, and apathy. I have found that it is much harder to forgive those who hurt in more subtle ways than the open childhood taunts and teasings of yesterday. But if I juxtapose these difficult relationships with what I learned with Michelle, I must conclude that those who hurt others are truly in pain themselves.
Perhaps, I can strive to be more aware of these people’s inner minds. Perhaps I can be the first to help, when someone finds himself immobilized by the results of his choices. Perhaps that little bit of help will be enough for me to see another as they really are, rather than regarding someone as a bad person for hurting my feelings. And maybe if I am truly honest with myself, I will see the hurt I may have caused others by my own impulsive and emotional and sometimes irrational thinking.
In each instance, I have found that those individuals who have hurt me are not much different than this 5th grader I knew long ago. They too feel pain and will respond differently when I bind up their wounds with understanding, rather than exacerbating their injuries with self-righteousness. The lesson I learned from a bully, is helping me to strive for mutual understanding through peaceful, rather than forceful means. May I remember that before any further hurt occurs.
Parable of the ungrateful date
I used to date a wonderful man whom I will call "Geoffrey". I was so in love with him that I overlooked some major differences and difficulties in the relationship, but eventually he broke things off. Geoffrey did not have much money because he was in the midst of some career changes. One day I decided to take him out for dinner to smooth things over after the breakup. I happened to have a gift card and bonus coupons that covered everything but the tip. When I was fumbling for the cards to pay for the bill and the tip, someone called his cell phone. He talked for five minutes and then told her he would call her back in 20 minutes. Geoffrey did not offer to help with the tip with his card and did not even say thank you for the meal. On top of that he rushed me out the door because he said he promised to call this woman back soon. the drive home was quietly as he worried about returning this phone call more than my feelings.
It really bothered me to receive this treatment. Then the next morning, he sent a text that read: sorry I 4got 2 thnk u for dinner last night. I wanted to text him back with the message that I wanted to take back all the gifts that I had given him….but then my friend told me to wait to send something back until I could respond with pleasantness
The next day at church it was on my mind. And then as I sat, seething in what I thought to be righteous indignation, I thought of the ten lepers and how 10 asked to be healed, but only one said thank you. I thought about all the things that the Lord has done for me. How many times have I truly thanked him? How many times I have I made the journey back to acknowledge his work. How many times have I acknowledged him to other people? How many more times have I treated Heaven's providence like my friend, hurrying out the door right after the gift is bestowed.
On top of that, I think of how many people in my life have helped me. How many times have people gone out of their way for me, and I haven't sent a thank you letter, or done much for them in return? How many times am I like Geoffrey, tossing in rushed words of appreciation after the fact, but moving forward with my plans, rather than pausing for a word of appreciation?
I am amazed that the Savior did not seem particularly angry about the other 9 who did not return with thankful words. He merely asked where they were. I would hope that those 9 were able to show their thanks in other ways. I am grateful that the Lord doesn’t reject me when I am late in expressing my gratitude. And I am amazed to find that when I acknowledge His hand in my life, I seem to find myself blessed even more!
As I think of my many blessings, those from heaven and those from other fellow mortals on earth, I thank the Lord for His grace and patience through the many times I have treated Him too casually and taken His goodness for granted. I really hope in the future I can be more like the one leper who returned, than the 9 who didn’t.
It really bothered me to receive this treatment. Then the next morning, he sent a text that read: sorry I 4got 2 thnk u for dinner last night. I wanted to text him back with the message that I wanted to take back all the gifts that I had given him….but then my friend told me to wait to send something back until I could respond with pleasantness
The next day at church it was on my mind. And then as I sat, seething in what I thought to be righteous indignation, I thought of the ten lepers and how 10 asked to be healed, but only one said thank you. I thought about all the things that the Lord has done for me. How many times have I truly thanked him? How many times I have I made the journey back to acknowledge his work. How many times have I acknowledged him to other people? How many more times have I treated Heaven's providence like my friend, hurrying out the door right after the gift is bestowed.
On top of that, I think of how many people in my life have helped me. How many times have people gone out of their way for me, and I haven't sent a thank you letter, or done much for them in return? How many times am I like Geoffrey, tossing in rushed words of appreciation after the fact, but moving forward with my plans, rather than pausing for a word of appreciation?
I am amazed that the Savior did not seem particularly angry about the other 9 who did not return with thankful words. He merely asked where they were. I would hope that those 9 were able to show their thanks in other ways. I am grateful that the Lord doesn’t reject me when I am late in expressing my gratitude. And I am amazed to find that when I acknowledge His hand in my life, I seem to find myself blessed even more!
As I think of my many blessings, those from heaven and those from other fellow mortals on earth, I thank the Lord for His grace and patience through the many times I have treated Him too casually and taken His goodness for granted. I really hope in the future I can be more like the one leper who returned, than the 9 who didn’t.
Grace and Charity in der Schweiz
I have always been in love with other languages and cultures and after learning German and spending 10 days in Vienna, I vowed to return to Europe. I hatched my plan by gaining my Montessori credentials and a Masters degree in one year (losing my tonsils and what felt like 5 years of my life in the process) and before graduation I interviewed at a school in Switzerland and relocated there 2 days after handing in my final papers. The salary was more than double what I could make in the states and the hours less—so of course I signed the contract….And so was the beginning of my new idyllic life….well…sort of!
Did I mention that I am the single mom to two children, one of whom was soon to be diagnosed with a form of autism? Did I mention that my boys proudly learned high German at home only to find that the Swiss children spoke a completely different language? Did I mention that when they said I would work 32 hours a week, that meant 32 hours of lesson time with the children, (teaching art, music, all the subjects in English and more) and did not include the massive amount of preparation time that sometimes doubled my working hours. Or that I would find out first-hand that the school I taught at ascribed to a military style of Montessori education? Or that the 15 minute train ride from the station to work was more like an hour when I combined the time it took to walk to the station, ride the train, tram and arrive on time for work? And that of the 30 children in the class, the vast majority had learning delays or disabilities that were never disclosed to us? And also that the school had gone through a high turnover of staff and children and would continue to lose students, resulting in salary cuts?
So yes, my family and I had some struggles, particularly in the beginning when the classroom needed so much extra time to get things started. I had many days I and my children were away from home for 12 or more hours. I survived by having breakfasts and dinners on the train, grabbing fast food, or my eventual routine of serving dinner to the children in the bathtub followed by a bedtime story for dessert. I was told by different people at church that I should just go home. I am sure many of them did not know what to do with a single mom who was often over her head on Sunday as a result of each weekly ensuing minidrama at my workplace or with my children. (and of course my German in the beginning was inadequate for a proper explanation) The Latina members understood my Spanish explanations, but the Swiss thing to do is to give people space, which sometimes made going to church difficult.
My neighbors on the other hand were quite different. I live in a very small village. There are many farms and open fields with sheep and cows and yet people live here from all over the world. Everyone greets each other on the street with a slight kind bow and they look after each other. This can be good or bad. One time I was scolded for not keeping Josh, my 10 year old free spirited son, with me as he took his bike onto the train in a different door, while other times friendly grandmotherly types tell me I am always running and I need to slow down with my boys. Another time 2 neighbors helped me carry Caleb, my 5 year old, home when he injured his leg from my bike wheel. When that happened I realized that everyone knew who I was because I and my boys in their matching yellow jackets would take the trains every morning between 6:30 and 7 and return between 5 and 7 most evenings, and sometimes as late as 9.
After awhile, if someone new would find out I was a single mom, they asked how I did it. I usually said something like adrenaline, or I don’t, but I wish I could have found the German words to say that that my survival has been purely from the tender mercies of the Lord and the good people who have come my way.
Taking the trains.
Caleb fell in love with Switzerland purely for the trains. Every time we get off the train he has this ritual of running to the front of the train and waving the driver goodbye as it leaves. The drivers always smile or wave in return, once he was given a ticket and another time he was rewarded with a whistle blast. But later on, I would find that my son’s friendliness would come back to help me.
So with a 15 walk to the main train station in the dark early morning with 2 boys and lots of papers and learning materials in tow, we were inevitably running late for one unforeseen reason or another. When the doors of the train close and the yellow lights flash, it is too late to get on and in my case that meant waiting another 30 minutes for the next train. The Swiss like the trains to run on time and hate delay, but still there were many kindly people who held the train’s door open for us if we were spotted running.
But later on, I found help in other ways. Twice a man on a bicycle, seeing my heavy bags of books, offered to take them on his bike so that I could run faster with Caleb to the station. On other times, when I found myself approaching the train’s closed doors with the yellow light flashing, I found the door opening to me. This only happens when the train driver manually stops it. One day the train passed me and I was a block away. The train was running late, but still waiting for me for an additional minute when everyone else was on the train. The second we got on, the yellow lights flashed and we were off. To me these times are what grace means to me. And for these moments of Grace, I have my friendly son to thank who stole the hearts of the train drivers.
Putting it all together
I can think of many other times when the neighbors stepped in to help me. Josh was being severely mobbed at school in the beginning when he started at the public school. Mostly the children of foreigners would beat him up before or after school and he started behaving very aggressive at home at the slightest hint of stress. One time josh got in a severe fight with Caleb while they were playing outside and the neighbors separated them and stayed long enough to bring Josh water and talk with him and calm him down. I was mortified, but they didn’t judge me and were very understanding. Other times friends would call Josh saying they were sorry that so and so beat him up. Also I have had neighbors who have given me legal advice, German lessons, fixed my bike’s multiple flat tires, help me get organized, and just give me the friendliness I need to keep going for another day.
Luckily I can sew very well and my neighbors can’t, so we have a little “trade” going on. I spent the summer sewing things for the angels who have been there for me, and for those who I don't know so well, I retain a prayer in my heart that the Lord will bless them for their kindness.
My good Samaritans came to my rescue because they saw me everyday and knew me. I am amazed that this people have opened up their hearts to me, a stranger, in such a good way. I hope to be able to repay them somehow…and better yet, I hope that I can do the same for the strangers I may encounter who find themselves in need of a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or a friendly embrace.
finale:
I wrote this in the middle of my first school year. Since this time, I started a job at a new school with the promise that the working conditions and hours would be much better, when in fact my treatment has become much worse. While this was a darker time, it has also been a time of learning and I am grateful for all the experiences I have had this year. Fortunately I have even more friends, both near and far, who have come to my rescue: taking me to the hospital, inviting me for lunch or dinner, offering to buy my books or furniture or other things I must leave behind in my move. I have a variety of people who will help me clean my house (which has to be Swiss clean when it is vacated), not to mention an amazing friend at church who helps me stay organized and also gives great massages as well as other true friends at church who keep me grounded.
Josh and Caleb just started school back in the states and I look forward to joining them as soon as I have fulfilled my teaching contract. Later in the first year, when I cut down my working hours, the difficulties of both boys subsided and the psychologist in Switzerland said that while Caleb has some autistic tendencies, he is not autistic. I had to let Caleb stay longer with his dad (beyond the summer), which turned into a good opportunity to finally bond and he ended up speaking Spanish. Josh now speaks fluent German and is enjoying his time at school speaking English and doing more stuff in science. The difficulties he endured made him closer to the Lord and a more caring and responsible person.
Since the time I wrote this piece, we moved to Arizona for a complete lifestyle change yet again. We plan to stay here a long time and put down deep roots in the desert. We will all miss Switzerland. My heart will be there for a long time and I know someday, when my kids are grown, I will return to this beautiful, unspoiled land for more than just a visit. It took being in another culture, with other traditions, to appreciate those things which are universal. I hope someday I will pass on those lessons and gifts of kindness to other strangers who struggle along their way.
Did I mention that I am the single mom to two children, one of whom was soon to be diagnosed with a form of autism? Did I mention that my boys proudly learned high German at home only to find that the Swiss children spoke a completely different language? Did I mention that when they said I would work 32 hours a week, that meant 32 hours of lesson time with the children, (teaching art, music, all the subjects in English and more) and did not include the massive amount of preparation time that sometimes doubled my working hours. Or that I would find out first-hand that the school I taught at ascribed to a military style of Montessori education? Or that the 15 minute train ride from the station to work was more like an hour when I combined the time it took to walk to the station, ride the train, tram and arrive on time for work? And that of the 30 children in the class, the vast majority had learning delays or disabilities that were never disclosed to us? And also that the school had gone through a high turnover of staff and children and would continue to lose students, resulting in salary cuts?
So yes, my family and I had some struggles, particularly in the beginning when the classroom needed so much extra time to get things started. I had many days I and my children were away from home for 12 or more hours. I survived by having breakfasts and dinners on the train, grabbing fast food, or my eventual routine of serving dinner to the children in the bathtub followed by a bedtime story for dessert. I was told by different people at church that I should just go home. I am sure many of them did not know what to do with a single mom who was often over her head on Sunday as a result of each weekly ensuing minidrama at my workplace or with my children. (and of course my German in the beginning was inadequate for a proper explanation) The Latina members understood my Spanish explanations, but the Swiss thing to do is to give people space, which sometimes made going to church difficult.
My neighbors on the other hand were quite different. I live in a very small village. There are many farms and open fields with sheep and cows and yet people live here from all over the world. Everyone greets each other on the street with a slight kind bow and they look after each other. This can be good or bad. One time I was scolded for not keeping Josh, my 10 year old free spirited son, with me as he took his bike onto the train in a different door, while other times friendly grandmotherly types tell me I am always running and I need to slow down with my boys. Another time 2 neighbors helped me carry Caleb, my 5 year old, home when he injured his leg from my bike wheel. When that happened I realized that everyone knew who I was because I and my boys in their matching yellow jackets would take the trains every morning between 6:30 and 7 and return between 5 and 7 most evenings, and sometimes as late as 9.
After awhile, if someone new would find out I was a single mom, they asked how I did it. I usually said something like adrenaline, or I don’t, but I wish I could have found the German words to say that that my survival has been purely from the tender mercies of the Lord and the good people who have come my way.
Taking the trains.
Caleb fell in love with Switzerland purely for the trains. Every time we get off the train he has this ritual of running to the front of the train and waving the driver goodbye as it leaves. The drivers always smile or wave in return, once he was given a ticket and another time he was rewarded with a whistle blast. But later on, I would find that my son’s friendliness would come back to help me.
So with a 15 walk to the main train station in the dark early morning with 2 boys and lots of papers and learning materials in tow, we were inevitably running late for one unforeseen reason or another. When the doors of the train close and the yellow lights flash, it is too late to get on and in my case that meant waiting another 30 minutes for the next train. The Swiss like the trains to run on time and hate delay, but still there were many kindly people who held the train’s door open for us if we were spotted running.
But later on, I found help in other ways. Twice a man on a bicycle, seeing my heavy bags of books, offered to take them on his bike so that I could run faster with Caleb to the station. On other times, when I found myself approaching the train’s closed doors with the yellow light flashing, I found the door opening to me. This only happens when the train driver manually stops it. One day the train passed me and I was a block away. The train was running late, but still waiting for me for an additional minute when everyone else was on the train. The second we got on, the yellow lights flashed and we were off. To me these times are what grace means to me. And for these moments of Grace, I have my friendly son to thank who stole the hearts of the train drivers.
Putting it all together
I can think of many other times when the neighbors stepped in to help me. Josh was being severely mobbed at school in the beginning when he started at the public school. Mostly the children of foreigners would beat him up before or after school and he started behaving very aggressive at home at the slightest hint of stress. One time josh got in a severe fight with Caleb while they were playing outside and the neighbors separated them and stayed long enough to bring Josh water and talk with him and calm him down. I was mortified, but they didn’t judge me and were very understanding. Other times friends would call Josh saying they were sorry that so and so beat him up. Also I have had neighbors who have given me legal advice, German lessons, fixed my bike’s multiple flat tires, help me get organized, and just give me the friendliness I need to keep going for another day.
Luckily I can sew very well and my neighbors can’t, so we have a little “trade” going on. I spent the summer sewing things for the angels who have been there for me, and for those who I don't know so well, I retain a prayer in my heart that the Lord will bless them for their kindness.
My good Samaritans came to my rescue because they saw me everyday and knew me. I am amazed that this people have opened up their hearts to me, a stranger, in such a good way. I hope to be able to repay them somehow…and better yet, I hope that I can do the same for the strangers I may encounter who find themselves in need of a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or a friendly embrace.
finale:
I wrote this in the middle of my first school year. Since this time, I started a job at a new school with the promise that the working conditions and hours would be much better, when in fact my treatment has become much worse. While this was a darker time, it has also been a time of learning and I am grateful for all the experiences I have had this year. Fortunately I have even more friends, both near and far, who have come to my rescue: taking me to the hospital, inviting me for lunch or dinner, offering to buy my books or furniture or other things I must leave behind in my move. I have a variety of people who will help me clean my house (which has to be Swiss clean when it is vacated), not to mention an amazing friend at church who helps me stay organized and also gives great massages as well as other true friends at church who keep me grounded.
Josh and Caleb just started school back in the states and I look forward to joining them as soon as I have fulfilled my teaching contract. Later in the first year, when I cut down my working hours, the difficulties of both boys subsided and the psychologist in Switzerland said that while Caleb has some autistic tendencies, he is not autistic. I had to let Caleb stay longer with his dad (beyond the summer), which turned into a good opportunity to finally bond and he ended up speaking Spanish. Josh now speaks fluent German and is enjoying his time at school speaking English and doing more stuff in science. The difficulties he endured made him closer to the Lord and a more caring and responsible person.
Since the time I wrote this piece, we moved to Arizona for a complete lifestyle change yet again. We plan to stay here a long time and put down deep roots in the desert. We will all miss Switzerland. My heart will be there for a long time and I know someday, when my kids are grown, I will return to this beautiful, unspoiled land for more than just a visit. It took being in another culture, with other traditions, to appreciate those things which are universal. I hope someday I will pass on those lessons and gifts of kindness to other strangers who struggle along their way.
The parable of the missing pendant
When each of my sons were born, and while recovering in the hospital, I was given a piece of jewelry from my mother in law. This made me feel so special in a time of exhaustion and especially a time I didn’t feel so pretty. With Josh’s birth I received a beautiful antique diamond necklace and with Caleb a filigree diamond ring. I loved to wear these treasures and knew that someday when my boys had their first child, I would pass along each treasure to their future wives.
In the process of the move to Switzerland a year previously, the diamond necklace didn’t make it. I don’t know if it was in the box of jewelry that didn’t make it overseas or if it somehow got left in the hotel room in Ireland I was staying at before arriving in Zurich. About once a week, the thought nags at me even now and I ponder where it could be. I have been through all my possessions in my house and still cannot find it. I have made phone calls and sent emails. I tell myself it shouldn’t be so important, after all, it is just an earthly possession, but I cannot let it go from my mind.
My anti-Mormon mother-in-law was rarely pleased with me, yet she entrusted me with it. It was the most valuable piece of jewelry I ever owned. I wore it for job interviews, my first date in Europe and my graduation in Milwaukee. My mother in law has long passed on, but I have such a feeling of tenderness whenever I wear her gifts. I know that she is pleased with me now; except with her necklace gone there seems to be an emptiness that nothing can replace.
The loss has made me ponder: what does this necklace represent to me and why is it so important? I think of the parable of the missing silver piece, (Luke 15: 8-10) how the woman searched her house until it was found. I suppose this missing treasure could represent a person, like the lost sheep, or perhaps something less tangible, like a message or feeling God wants us to understand, or maybe like the parable of the talents, it is a gift from God that is waiting for me to reclaim it. I believe it could also represent a responsibility that God means for me to fulfill or a heavenly quality or blessing that He wants me to possess.
Moral Inventory
I did not know that my necklace was missing until weeks later when I wanted to wear it. Likewise, the woman in the parable did not know she had one silver piece missing until she counted the money. When I worked at a fabric store we spent a week every year where we would count every item in the store to see what the store had. This was a long, sometimes tedious process that required a lot of paperwork, but it was necessary to ensure that the store was profitable and not losing money due to theft or mismanagement.
When I was first married, my husband led us in what he called companionship inventories. I never served a mission, but apparently this is something that you do to help each other work better as a team. In our case we had a meeting weekly to set goals and together, monitor progress and discuss ways to strengthen our bond as husband and wife. Unfortunately as those habits died, he slipped out of church and our marriage covenant.
In later years I learned about other kinds of Inventories that are similarly useful. When I became a teacher, I learned that it is important to reflect on one’s effectiveness and keep careful records for each child in order to improve. I also attended a 12 step program and found one important part is to make a searching moral inventory of yourself and all your faults and weaknesses so that you know what to build from and also to continue this process. I found in my life that my problems would get worse without an honest analysis of my soul. Also part of an inventory is gratitude—counting blessings is the best thing to keep track ofJ
I know that when I make time to keep such inventories in my life, whether it be in the spiritual or worldly dimension, I have the strength and light that I need to do a better job in my dual roles as mother and provider to my two sons. If a problem is not identified, then I become stagnant and unhappy because my progress is blocked. It is like trying to satisfy thirstiness with more food. I can see that unless I ponder and reflect upon what is amiss in my life, I am neither able to identify the problem nor resolve it.
Inviting the spirit
Upon realizing the loss, the first thing the woman in the parable did was light a candle so that she could search her house. It is interesting to note that she had light to guide her in finding what was missing. I can see a parallel to this method of finding things that are missing which my spirit needs. The light represents enlightenment and knowledge found from a heavenly source. Lighting a candle could be synonymous with prayer, meditation, fasting, or reading the scriptures because it is by doing these things that we receive information beyond our own selves. When I lost my necklace, I knew I needed to call the hotel and see if they had it, I also needed light as I searched through every drawer, compartment and cabinet in my house. And as foolish as it may sound to some, I did pray about it.
I am not able to find these spiritual treasures alone. Heavenly Father wants me to work with him as a partner so that I may reclaim the blessings that become mine when I faithfully seek His will. When I seek to light this Heavenly flame by developing a relationship with the Savior, I am blessed with His spirit to guide me whenever the way is unsure and am strengthened in times of discouragement. I have discovered that my most challenging tribulations were exacerbated by not dealing with my emotions or stress in a way that is conducive to the spirit.
Sweeping the house
Just like the thought nagged at me for months to call the hotel to check, I am equally unhappy when I sense something amiss and do nothing to identify and act upon the problem. The next step is cleansing. When I first looked for the necklace, I got things out, but did not put them back in their place, leaving me even more frustrated when the day ended with more disorder than it started with. That was not a long-term solution; I remained unsure that I had checked everything, so I went through the same areas again. When I started my search anew on another day, I realized that I had to clean as I go. Likewise, when I go through my difficulties and mistakes, faults and weaknesses with the Lord, I should try to deal with each issue individually, rather than compound things further. When I saw that a certain area was organized and clean, I knew when I double-checked that I didn’t need to disturb it again in my search.
Speaking of losses, I am reminded of a couple of other scripture sayings, one being he who loses himself shall find it. I personally have been able to fill the void I feel in my life by helping others around me. As a single mom, I don't have much, but when I give my little mite, I have more than enough in my life. I have found that the greatest solutions have come to me when I am really immersed in the needs and interests of another. This is part of God’s plan: that we learn from each other some of the most important truths we may carry with us.
Another part of the Journey is learning when to let go. I have been guilty of holding onto things that are not worth anything, such as thwarted hopes and dreams, disappointment, rejection, loss, and advice from well-meaning people that doesn’t apply to my situation. I have found greater treasure by letting go of grudges and bitterness and rejoicing in the blessings the Lord has given me. I have found that only after clearing out the clutter of negativity and pride does it become possible to find the real treasures that lurk within life’s experiences.
Finding the lost treasure
I wish I could say that I found the pendant after my search, but a year later I have something far more valuable—I discovered a way to find and keep heavenly treasure. The last thing the woman did was celebrate with her friends. This step I believe is very important. This can be done in many ways, such as sharing experiences with friends, recording growth in journals, bearing testimonies of personally learned truths, and allowing my children to share in these fruits. I have found that “celebrating” allows others to experience this elation and perhaps empower them to begin their own search for such valuable treasures.
The parable ends with a reminder that there is joy in heaven over one sinner that repents. Likewise I believe there is great joy when one is able to overcome even the smallest bad habit and replace it with something of more divine worth. These experiences in life are designed as a guide to finding eternal blessings—but I can only find such treasure if I am grateful for what I have, make an exhaustive spiritual search for what is found lacking and allow the Savior’s words to become an active part of daily living. In the end, one joyful example is like a flame, beckoning others to seek for the Spirit in their personal lives.
I am grateful for the challenges I have faced because I have found new talents, strength and love from above as I have sought the Lord’s help in finding the treasures that are missing in my life. I have felt Jesus Christ wipe my painful tears and give me strength to go forward. I know that happiness does not come from earthly gifts, like having extra money, good friends, well-mannered children, or even silky Swiss chocolate. Happiness is a gift from God when we choose to give our will to Him. To me, this is more valuable and beautifying than a million diamond necklaces.
sidenote: so I did find the necklace 18 months later, right when the Lord felt I was ready to apply these lessons in my life. Even though I have a lot of nice jewelry, I rarely take it off after I put it on, just as I try not to remain in foggy confusion when I sense that something is missing is my life.
--Liza Zmolek wRight
In the process of the move to Switzerland a year previously, the diamond necklace didn’t make it. I don’t know if it was in the box of jewelry that didn’t make it overseas or if it somehow got left in the hotel room in Ireland I was staying at before arriving in Zurich. About once a week, the thought nags at me even now and I ponder where it could be. I have been through all my possessions in my house and still cannot find it. I have made phone calls and sent emails. I tell myself it shouldn’t be so important, after all, it is just an earthly possession, but I cannot let it go from my mind.
My anti-Mormon mother-in-law was rarely pleased with me, yet she entrusted me with it. It was the most valuable piece of jewelry I ever owned. I wore it for job interviews, my first date in Europe and my graduation in Milwaukee. My mother in law has long passed on, but I have such a feeling of tenderness whenever I wear her gifts. I know that she is pleased with me now; except with her necklace gone there seems to be an emptiness that nothing can replace.
The loss has made me ponder: what does this necklace represent to me and why is it so important? I think of the parable of the missing silver piece, (Luke 15: 8-10) how the woman searched her house until it was found. I suppose this missing treasure could represent a person, like the lost sheep, or perhaps something less tangible, like a message or feeling God wants us to understand, or maybe like the parable of the talents, it is a gift from God that is waiting for me to reclaim it. I believe it could also represent a responsibility that God means for me to fulfill or a heavenly quality or blessing that He wants me to possess.
Moral Inventory
I did not know that my necklace was missing until weeks later when I wanted to wear it. Likewise, the woman in the parable did not know she had one silver piece missing until she counted the money. When I worked at a fabric store we spent a week every year where we would count every item in the store to see what the store had. This was a long, sometimes tedious process that required a lot of paperwork, but it was necessary to ensure that the store was profitable and not losing money due to theft or mismanagement.
When I was first married, my husband led us in what he called companionship inventories. I never served a mission, but apparently this is something that you do to help each other work better as a team. In our case we had a meeting weekly to set goals and together, monitor progress and discuss ways to strengthen our bond as husband and wife. Unfortunately as those habits died, he slipped out of church and our marriage covenant.
In later years I learned about other kinds of Inventories that are similarly useful. When I became a teacher, I learned that it is important to reflect on one’s effectiveness and keep careful records for each child in order to improve. I also attended a 12 step program and found one important part is to make a searching moral inventory of yourself and all your faults and weaknesses so that you know what to build from and also to continue this process. I found in my life that my problems would get worse without an honest analysis of my soul. Also part of an inventory is gratitude—counting blessings is the best thing to keep track ofJ
I know that when I make time to keep such inventories in my life, whether it be in the spiritual or worldly dimension, I have the strength and light that I need to do a better job in my dual roles as mother and provider to my two sons. If a problem is not identified, then I become stagnant and unhappy because my progress is blocked. It is like trying to satisfy thirstiness with more food. I can see that unless I ponder and reflect upon what is amiss in my life, I am neither able to identify the problem nor resolve it.
Inviting the spirit
Upon realizing the loss, the first thing the woman in the parable did was light a candle so that she could search her house. It is interesting to note that she had light to guide her in finding what was missing. I can see a parallel to this method of finding things that are missing which my spirit needs. The light represents enlightenment and knowledge found from a heavenly source. Lighting a candle could be synonymous with prayer, meditation, fasting, or reading the scriptures because it is by doing these things that we receive information beyond our own selves. When I lost my necklace, I knew I needed to call the hotel and see if they had it, I also needed light as I searched through every drawer, compartment and cabinet in my house. And as foolish as it may sound to some, I did pray about it.
I am not able to find these spiritual treasures alone. Heavenly Father wants me to work with him as a partner so that I may reclaim the blessings that become mine when I faithfully seek His will. When I seek to light this Heavenly flame by developing a relationship with the Savior, I am blessed with His spirit to guide me whenever the way is unsure and am strengthened in times of discouragement. I have discovered that my most challenging tribulations were exacerbated by not dealing with my emotions or stress in a way that is conducive to the spirit.
Sweeping the house
Just like the thought nagged at me for months to call the hotel to check, I am equally unhappy when I sense something amiss and do nothing to identify and act upon the problem. The next step is cleansing. When I first looked for the necklace, I got things out, but did not put them back in their place, leaving me even more frustrated when the day ended with more disorder than it started with. That was not a long-term solution; I remained unsure that I had checked everything, so I went through the same areas again. When I started my search anew on another day, I realized that I had to clean as I go. Likewise, when I go through my difficulties and mistakes, faults and weaknesses with the Lord, I should try to deal with each issue individually, rather than compound things further. When I saw that a certain area was organized and clean, I knew when I double-checked that I didn’t need to disturb it again in my search.
Speaking of losses, I am reminded of a couple of other scripture sayings, one being he who loses himself shall find it. I personally have been able to fill the void I feel in my life by helping others around me. As a single mom, I don't have much, but when I give my little mite, I have more than enough in my life. I have found that the greatest solutions have come to me when I am really immersed in the needs and interests of another. This is part of God’s plan: that we learn from each other some of the most important truths we may carry with us.
Another part of the Journey is learning when to let go. I have been guilty of holding onto things that are not worth anything, such as thwarted hopes and dreams, disappointment, rejection, loss, and advice from well-meaning people that doesn’t apply to my situation. I have found greater treasure by letting go of grudges and bitterness and rejoicing in the blessings the Lord has given me. I have found that only after clearing out the clutter of negativity and pride does it become possible to find the real treasures that lurk within life’s experiences.
Finding the lost treasure
I wish I could say that I found the pendant after my search, but a year later I have something far more valuable—I discovered a way to find and keep heavenly treasure. The last thing the woman did was celebrate with her friends. This step I believe is very important. This can be done in many ways, such as sharing experiences with friends, recording growth in journals, bearing testimonies of personally learned truths, and allowing my children to share in these fruits. I have found that “celebrating” allows others to experience this elation and perhaps empower them to begin their own search for such valuable treasures.
The parable ends with a reminder that there is joy in heaven over one sinner that repents. Likewise I believe there is great joy when one is able to overcome even the smallest bad habit and replace it with something of more divine worth. These experiences in life are designed as a guide to finding eternal blessings—but I can only find such treasure if I am grateful for what I have, make an exhaustive spiritual search for what is found lacking and allow the Savior’s words to become an active part of daily living. In the end, one joyful example is like a flame, beckoning others to seek for the Spirit in their personal lives.
I am grateful for the challenges I have faced because I have found new talents, strength and love from above as I have sought the Lord’s help in finding the treasures that are missing in my life. I have felt Jesus Christ wipe my painful tears and give me strength to go forward. I know that happiness does not come from earthly gifts, like having extra money, good friends, well-mannered children, or even silky Swiss chocolate. Happiness is a gift from God when we choose to give our will to Him. To me, this is more valuable and beautifying than a million diamond necklaces.
sidenote: so I did find the necklace 18 months later, right when the Lord felt I was ready to apply these lessons in my life. Even though I have a lot of nice jewelry, I rarely take it off after I put it on, just as I try not to remain in foggy confusion when I sense that something is missing is my life.
--Liza Zmolek wRight
The parable of the rotten raspberries
Several years ago when I lived in Colorado I was taking voice lessons from a woman in my church and in exchange I would help with gardening and household chores. One experience that stands out in my mind was the raspberry jam I learned to make by helping her. Terri had some sort of a deal with the local grocer to take the old produce off their hands free of charge. These fruits and vegetables were in too bad a condition to be sold; sometimes they still looked good, but other times the cartons were dotted with fuzzy decaying specimens. One evening I helped her with countless flats of raspberries, most of which were covered in mold. I helped her sort the good ones from the bad.
I can remember, as each berry passed through my hands thinking this was such a waste of time to “rescue the good berries” from all the rotten ones. It was like surgery: removing the mold and saving the miniscule good parts. Sometimes there were only a couple decent raspberries in each plastic carton. I had to leave before all the raspberries were sorted, but the next time I saw her, I was given some tasty raspberry jam. The mold that I worked so hard to remove was forgotten and my family enjoyed this jam for months.
As I recall this experience today, I first think of the atonement. I know that Jesus Christ has the power to take things deemed unsalvageable and transform them into something precious. But for some reason I keep thinking of the parable of the talents. As I think of how my friend took something of little value and turned it into something delicious, I must ask myself: am I grateful for everything in my possession, including my trials and responsibilities? And am I able to take everything the Lord gives me in my life, the good and the bad, and turn it into something better?
When I was younger, this parable was my favorite. I was blessed with many talents in art, music, and language and saw this allegory as a divine invitation to better myself and work toward accomplishing all my big goals and dreams in relation to these interests and abilities. But between my days of youthful idealism and the later humbling trials, I have found some additional, more subtle insights from in this parable that make me wonder if I am truly being a good steward. The parable had three components: receiving the gifts, then making an increase of them, and reckoning that increase with the Lord. I have seen parallels with this parable to living a life close to God.
What are the talents the Lord given me?
The parable mentions that the lord was leaving his goods to his servants. Then he gives them varying amounts of talents. Obviously these were gifts that included responsibility. It is true that having recognizable special talents and abilities also have responsibilities to develop them, but I have received many gifts from God that are not wrapped in such glittering accouterments. Those gifts must also be developed and often it is not recognized as a gift without additional time and divine counsel.
I find it a gift that I have experienced some difficulties in my life. If my husband had not left me, I would not have learned a lot of things. I certainly would not have earned a Masters degree and moved to Switzerland and become more proficient in additional languages. If I had not worked with children with autism and ADHD, I would not have strived to become a more consistent and understanding parent. If I had not suffered abuse as a child, I would not have learned how Christ can heal even the deepest wounds. Most importantly, if I had not been blessed with family and friends who showed me how to be close to the Lord, I would not have possessed the spiritual recipe needed to transform what is seen simply as rotten berries into more enduring sweetness.
What am I doing to Increase these talents?
I have received many gifts from God in my life: my experiences, my friends around the world, my family, my challenges and responsibilities, my testimony, church callings, and the Heavenly Voice that beckons me on this journey. All of these gifts are like the raw ingredients to make jam or the inspiration behind a work of art. I wish I could say that my path has always been forward and my growth ever-increasing, but I have had many stagnant moments where (like the third servant) I buried it all in the ground. I remember when I was married two years and my husband started having doubts about the existence of God and eventually left his faith behind along with his other lofty goals for our family. I wasted a year of my life in bitterness. I have been given church responsibilities where I did less than my best. I have sometimes let the enormity of my challenges rob me of feeling happy or close to the spirit.
But fortunately the Lord has been patient with me as I figured things out. He gave me friends who invested their love in my struggles. With time and experience I was able to give my will to the Lord who helped me begin to see the bigger picture of His plan for me. There is a purpose for each trial that is rarely obvious until the storm has passed. I am grateful for those angels who helped me in times of despair, poverty and seemingly hopeless situations. From these experiences I have gained a desire to lengthen my stride and help those who are in the midst of similar storms in their life.
The scriptures are full of stories of people from humble beginnings changing the course of history. What if Ruth hadn’t followed her Mother in law? Imagine if Joseph compromised his principles to keep his job in Potipher’s house? What if an anonymous child forgot to bring his loaves and fishes when he followed Jesus? It doesn’t matter if one is blessed with 1, 5 or 10 talents, the most important task is to invest what life has given us into Heavenly Father’s care (or in other words, following his counsel) Only He can compound small and simple goodness into wealth that is everlasting.
Everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses that are part of the refining process that takes place when earthly life and heaven merge. God did not gift David with being large in stature, but with his faith in the Lord, he slew his giant, just as we can overcome seemingly insurmountable circumstances. I am given hope by the stories of others’ triumphs over adversity. My favorite children’s book is called Wilma Unlimited and it details how Wilma Rudolph became the world’s fastest woman. An African American girl born prematurely into poverty in the Jim Crow south and later suffering polio, she was eventually able to walk and later run in the Olympics. Her faith in God and the strength of her parents and 22 siblings was a big part of her achievement.
I now see that the parable of the talents not only refers to actual gifts, but responsibilities the Lord has for each individual. I have had times in my life where I somehow felt off-course. Perhaps I wasn’t really doing anything wrong, but later found I was missing some divine message or task meant for me. Most of the time these are little things: a scripture that hits me where I need it the most, not procrastinating a visit to a friend, sending a card of appreciation, or reaching out to someone out of my comfort zone. These little thoughts, realizations and things to do are like plain postcards in my fast-paced, multimedia mailbox, that can be missed if I am not looking. Like Jonah, I have sometimes learned the hard way about heeding the seemingly small, yet important promptings.
Accounting before God
In the parable the servants are called to show how well they invested their Lord’s wealth, just as I am sure we will all give an accounting of how we spent our time, talents, and blessings before our maker. Fortunately the Lord will tell me how I am doing each step of the way, when I ask. Happily we are blessed with a constant heavenly companion when we strive to make good choices. Like Gideon who continued to ask for a witness, I know we can also confidently go before God for clarification until we are sure of each decision.
I had a glimpse of what I hope my final day of accounting is like:
This job I had in Switzerland could be compared to working in an emotional combat zone. Imagine giving a nice lesson, and your boss walking in and yelling at a child that is leaning against a wall or criticizing you for a scratch on a desk. As you can imagine, this whole school has this spirit of negativity because the employees are always so burdened. Within this charged environment, my job has been to teach English and math to Swiss 8-10 year-olds who have a low or nonexistent level in both subjects. I have succumbed to wallowing in the discouragement at times—but then I somehow summoned all my strength to get up and keep fighting. Sometimes I have looked back on my efforts and wish I could have done more, but then I say to myself I did the best I knew how.
A month ago, two parents came in with their children to say goodbye. These parents saw the problems, tried to work with the management and ended up finding another school. They sent a detailed letter listing the emotional and physical abuse and how this runs so contrary to the Montessori philosophy. They praised the teachers and said that they stayed at the school longer because of our hard work. They brought treats for the class and flowers to the teachers and said they wanted me to continue teaching their children English.
As I spoke about this to another teacher, I said I imagine this is what heaven would be like: you probably don’t realize how good your best is until it is all over. When I said those words, she said she had goosebumps. I started to pull my sleeve up to show her mine. This gave me the strength to keep putting all my effort into productive things and less on worry as even darker clouds gathered at my workplace.
I hope as I encounter more storms, I will always cling to the sunny side and make the best of my circumstances by seeking the Lord’s vision and making my choices accordingly. I know that with new eyes, I can make the most of my earthly and heavenly possessions and experiences, just like a grain of sand is turned into a pearl of great price, a bit of bread feeds thousands, or discarded, seemingly rotten raspberries are turned into sweet and delicious jam meant to be shared. I am grateful for the friends who see the good behind all my faults and those all over the world who work tirelessly to invest in those who seem unsalvageable.
I can remember, as each berry passed through my hands thinking this was such a waste of time to “rescue the good berries” from all the rotten ones. It was like surgery: removing the mold and saving the miniscule good parts. Sometimes there were only a couple decent raspberries in each plastic carton. I had to leave before all the raspberries were sorted, but the next time I saw her, I was given some tasty raspberry jam. The mold that I worked so hard to remove was forgotten and my family enjoyed this jam for months.
As I recall this experience today, I first think of the atonement. I know that Jesus Christ has the power to take things deemed unsalvageable and transform them into something precious. But for some reason I keep thinking of the parable of the talents. As I think of how my friend took something of little value and turned it into something delicious, I must ask myself: am I grateful for everything in my possession, including my trials and responsibilities? And am I able to take everything the Lord gives me in my life, the good and the bad, and turn it into something better?
When I was younger, this parable was my favorite. I was blessed with many talents in art, music, and language and saw this allegory as a divine invitation to better myself and work toward accomplishing all my big goals and dreams in relation to these interests and abilities. But between my days of youthful idealism and the later humbling trials, I have found some additional, more subtle insights from in this parable that make me wonder if I am truly being a good steward. The parable had three components: receiving the gifts, then making an increase of them, and reckoning that increase with the Lord. I have seen parallels with this parable to living a life close to God.
What are the talents the Lord given me?
The parable mentions that the lord was leaving his goods to his servants. Then he gives them varying amounts of talents. Obviously these were gifts that included responsibility. It is true that having recognizable special talents and abilities also have responsibilities to develop them, but I have received many gifts from God that are not wrapped in such glittering accouterments. Those gifts must also be developed and often it is not recognized as a gift without additional time and divine counsel.
I find it a gift that I have experienced some difficulties in my life. If my husband had not left me, I would not have learned a lot of things. I certainly would not have earned a Masters degree and moved to Switzerland and become more proficient in additional languages. If I had not worked with children with autism and ADHD, I would not have strived to become a more consistent and understanding parent. If I had not suffered abuse as a child, I would not have learned how Christ can heal even the deepest wounds. Most importantly, if I had not been blessed with family and friends who showed me how to be close to the Lord, I would not have possessed the spiritual recipe needed to transform what is seen simply as rotten berries into more enduring sweetness.
What am I doing to Increase these talents?
I have received many gifts from God in my life: my experiences, my friends around the world, my family, my challenges and responsibilities, my testimony, church callings, and the Heavenly Voice that beckons me on this journey. All of these gifts are like the raw ingredients to make jam or the inspiration behind a work of art. I wish I could say that my path has always been forward and my growth ever-increasing, but I have had many stagnant moments where (like the third servant) I buried it all in the ground. I remember when I was married two years and my husband started having doubts about the existence of God and eventually left his faith behind along with his other lofty goals for our family. I wasted a year of my life in bitterness. I have been given church responsibilities where I did less than my best. I have sometimes let the enormity of my challenges rob me of feeling happy or close to the spirit.
But fortunately the Lord has been patient with me as I figured things out. He gave me friends who invested their love in my struggles. With time and experience I was able to give my will to the Lord who helped me begin to see the bigger picture of His plan for me. There is a purpose for each trial that is rarely obvious until the storm has passed. I am grateful for those angels who helped me in times of despair, poverty and seemingly hopeless situations. From these experiences I have gained a desire to lengthen my stride and help those who are in the midst of similar storms in their life.
The scriptures are full of stories of people from humble beginnings changing the course of history. What if Ruth hadn’t followed her Mother in law? Imagine if Joseph compromised his principles to keep his job in Potipher’s house? What if an anonymous child forgot to bring his loaves and fishes when he followed Jesus? It doesn’t matter if one is blessed with 1, 5 or 10 talents, the most important task is to invest what life has given us into Heavenly Father’s care (or in other words, following his counsel) Only He can compound small and simple goodness into wealth that is everlasting.
Everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses that are part of the refining process that takes place when earthly life and heaven merge. God did not gift David with being large in stature, but with his faith in the Lord, he slew his giant, just as we can overcome seemingly insurmountable circumstances. I am given hope by the stories of others’ triumphs over adversity. My favorite children’s book is called Wilma Unlimited and it details how Wilma Rudolph became the world’s fastest woman. An African American girl born prematurely into poverty in the Jim Crow south and later suffering polio, she was eventually able to walk and later run in the Olympics. Her faith in God and the strength of her parents and 22 siblings was a big part of her achievement.
I now see that the parable of the talents not only refers to actual gifts, but responsibilities the Lord has for each individual. I have had times in my life where I somehow felt off-course. Perhaps I wasn’t really doing anything wrong, but later found I was missing some divine message or task meant for me. Most of the time these are little things: a scripture that hits me where I need it the most, not procrastinating a visit to a friend, sending a card of appreciation, or reaching out to someone out of my comfort zone. These little thoughts, realizations and things to do are like plain postcards in my fast-paced, multimedia mailbox, that can be missed if I am not looking. Like Jonah, I have sometimes learned the hard way about heeding the seemingly small, yet important promptings.
Accounting before God
In the parable the servants are called to show how well they invested their Lord’s wealth, just as I am sure we will all give an accounting of how we spent our time, talents, and blessings before our maker. Fortunately the Lord will tell me how I am doing each step of the way, when I ask. Happily we are blessed with a constant heavenly companion when we strive to make good choices. Like Gideon who continued to ask for a witness, I know we can also confidently go before God for clarification until we are sure of each decision.
I had a glimpse of what I hope my final day of accounting is like:
This job I had in Switzerland could be compared to working in an emotional combat zone. Imagine giving a nice lesson, and your boss walking in and yelling at a child that is leaning against a wall or criticizing you for a scratch on a desk. As you can imagine, this whole school has this spirit of negativity because the employees are always so burdened. Within this charged environment, my job has been to teach English and math to Swiss 8-10 year-olds who have a low or nonexistent level in both subjects. I have succumbed to wallowing in the discouragement at times—but then I somehow summoned all my strength to get up and keep fighting. Sometimes I have looked back on my efforts and wish I could have done more, but then I say to myself I did the best I knew how.
A month ago, two parents came in with their children to say goodbye. These parents saw the problems, tried to work with the management and ended up finding another school. They sent a detailed letter listing the emotional and physical abuse and how this runs so contrary to the Montessori philosophy. They praised the teachers and said that they stayed at the school longer because of our hard work. They brought treats for the class and flowers to the teachers and said they wanted me to continue teaching their children English.
As I spoke about this to another teacher, I said I imagine this is what heaven would be like: you probably don’t realize how good your best is until it is all over. When I said those words, she said she had goosebumps. I started to pull my sleeve up to show her mine. This gave me the strength to keep putting all my effort into productive things and less on worry as even darker clouds gathered at my workplace.
I hope as I encounter more storms, I will always cling to the sunny side and make the best of my circumstances by seeking the Lord’s vision and making my choices accordingly. I know that with new eyes, I can make the most of my earthly and heavenly possessions and experiences, just like a grain of sand is turned into a pearl of great price, a bit of bread feeds thousands, or discarded, seemingly rotten raspberries are turned into sweet and delicious jam meant to be shared. I am grateful for the friends who see the good behind all my faults and those all over the world who work tirelessly to invest in those who seem unsalvageable.
The Story of the Smiling Scattered Sunshines
I always tried to make friends in high school, but nothing seemed to stick. I’m sure my classmates saw me as strange because I sewed my own clothes, put together outfits from yard sales and thrift stores and was always writing songs and poetry. There were times boys at church would throw spitwads in my hair during Sunday school or make fun of my dancing at socials. But I gave my heart to anyone who could show kindness—finally feeling some acceptance after graduation.
After High School, It was such a relief to find an environment with a stunning variety of individuals who also shared my deepest beliefs. As a college student I relished in opportunities to make everyone feel special. By the time I was about to graduate from junior college I had discovered that my academic progress was dependent on my spiritual nature and that when I spent more time taking care of those around me, I was able to get every pressing need taken care of in my life, including maintaining a high grade point average in my studies.
After listening intently one Sunday to a lesson on service, I pondered its message while singing the closing hymn called “scatter sunshine”. I decided to take the words literally by making little hand crayoned smiling sunshines with a trite little poem on the back instructing the bearer to pass it on to someone else who needed some brightness in their life. After making about a dozen, I scaled my apartment complex in search of sad or stressed individuals in need of cheer and offered them a sun or two with the instructions to pass them on.
During this time period I became more active in the musical community on campus, taking music major courses and trying out for soloist opportunities. I felt an unsettling feeling of competition which bothered me at times. But those imaginary walls seemed to come down as I handed out these happy little faces to people I didn’t even know. I discovered some wonderful individuals who would become some of my closest friends from this random activity.
Before long, even perfect strangers were coming up to me asking for more cheerful sunshines to pass out. Soon I was making hundreds every couple days and teaching others how to draw them with crayons so I could keep up with demand. It seemed like as soon as I completed a page of them, someone would take them from me to cut and pass out. I don’t know how I managed to succeed with my heavy course load of classes, but the Lord was with me in my in all the things I was striving to learn. Though I felt extremely busy, I found a great deal of happiness from this simple, child-like activity.
I didn’t know how far the snowball effect spread until I was back in my home state and my little sister asked me to attend a mission farewell for one of her friends. I didn’t know this young man at all, but apparently he was touched by one of my sunshines placed in his violin case which he discovered on a particularly difficult day. My sister turned to me as he spoke, astonished at the ripples that started with just a few crayons and some paper.
I tried to maintain the tradition after I graduated by passing them out to coworkers and classmates at future campuses. When I became a wife and mother, I always gave those happy suns to those who I visit taught and once got to incorporate the story into a lesson of my own on Sunday—thereby completing the circle that started more than a decade ago. But the biggest blessings from scattering sunshine were yet to come. And then I would truly find out that ultimately we are blessed in greater measure when we take the time from our busy lives and give a bit of ourselves to others.
After 7 years of marriage, my once faithful, spiritual, supportive husband decided he needed to be with someone else and later left the country. Facing the prospect of being alone with a newborn and preschooler, I decided to go back to school and get my teaching license so I could be on a schedule where I could still take care of my children. I looked at a variety of scholarships and started filling out their applications. I began to be grateful that I had an impressive record of involvement and grades which looked good on paper, making me sure I would get one of those academic scholarships.
The last scholarship application I looked at had me stumped—I had to write an essay about why my lifestyle is one of high moral character. “Who’s going to believe that a single mom with two kids has any virtue?” I thought to myself.
It took a professor’s nudge, to propel me toward completing this final scholarship application that seemed like the biggest longshot; but the words that needed to be written gently permeated my heart. I thought when I was younger that high morals meant staying away from vices like alcohol, drugs and premarital sex, and I did all those things, but as I got older I realized that it meant more—like helping the difficult neighbor, taking the high road in a divorce for the sake of the children, choosing not to be bitter, but kind. I decided to include the story of my sunshine scattering in closing my essay, urging them to pass along the sunshine into my family’s lives and the children that I will teach someday. Out of all the grants I deemed achievable, I was awarded this one I thought impossible, which was actually the most valuable monetarily.
When I reread my essay after getting the news, I realized I needed to work harder for those ideals in my life and continue the pattern of giving to others. After completing student teaching and embarking on starting a school enrichment program in my own home, I found that though I had little to give, I could still contribute in smaller ways. I discovered single parents with greater needs, shared my excess and used my thrifty shopping skills to help them save big on groceries and find needed items like bikes and clothes. I helped guide moms and dads who where still trying to navigate themselves while dealing with divorce and separation. These activities were a nice distraction as I latersaw my own troubles worsening.
It has been humbling when I find myself in a position of being in need rather than more able to give. I have found the most painful part to be asking for help. I get down on myself for not being able to do it all and feel guilty for receiving help when it was offered. But then I think about the sunshines I once shared liberally. What if my gifts had been refused? What blessings would never have come if I had not decided to offer more of myself to those around me? How would denying the help of others allow me to follow the Savior’s commandment to “be one”? I now see the blessings in receiving as well as giving and will use the gifts of these experiences to help pass blessings on to those in my sphere of influence.
I’m so grateful for the bright angels who have brought their light into my life in my darkest times of need. I will never be able to repay such boundless kindness, but I will give a small token with a bright smile and a grateful prayer. May those blessings lovingly given to me and others be returned in greater measure like those sunshines scattered long ago.
--Liza Zmolek Wright
Scatter Sunshine, - Lanta Wilson Smith
In a world where sorrow Ever will be known, Where are found the needy And the sad and lone,How much joy and comfort You can all bestow, If you scatter sunshine Ev'rywhere you go.Scatter sunshine all along your way. Cheer and bless and brighten Ev'ry passing day.Scatter sunshine all along your way. Cheer and bless and brighten Ev'ry passing day.
After High School, It was such a relief to find an environment with a stunning variety of individuals who also shared my deepest beliefs. As a college student I relished in opportunities to make everyone feel special. By the time I was about to graduate from junior college I had discovered that my academic progress was dependent on my spiritual nature and that when I spent more time taking care of those around me, I was able to get every pressing need taken care of in my life, including maintaining a high grade point average in my studies.
After listening intently one Sunday to a lesson on service, I pondered its message while singing the closing hymn called “scatter sunshine”. I decided to take the words literally by making little hand crayoned smiling sunshines with a trite little poem on the back instructing the bearer to pass it on to someone else who needed some brightness in their life. After making about a dozen, I scaled my apartment complex in search of sad or stressed individuals in need of cheer and offered them a sun or two with the instructions to pass them on.
During this time period I became more active in the musical community on campus, taking music major courses and trying out for soloist opportunities. I felt an unsettling feeling of competition which bothered me at times. But those imaginary walls seemed to come down as I handed out these happy little faces to people I didn’t even know. I discovered some wonderful individuals who would become some of my closest friends from this random activity.
Before long, even perfect strangers were coming up to me asking for more cheerful sunshines to pass out. Soon I was making hundreds every couple days and teaching others how to draw them with crayons so I could keep up with demand. It seemed like as soon as I completed a page of them, someone would take them from me to cut and pass out. I don’t know how I managed to succeed with my heavy course load of classes, but the Lord was with me in my in all the things I was striving to learn. Though I felt extremely busy, I found a great deal of happiness from this simple, child-like activity.
I didn’t know how far the snowball effect spread until I was back in my home state and my little sister asked me to attend a mission farewell for one of her friends. I didn’t know this young man at all, but apparently he was touched by one of my sunshines placed in his violin case which he discovered on a particularly difficult day. My sister turned to me as he spoke, astonished at the ripples that started with just a few crayons and some paper.
I tried to maintain the tradition after I graduated by passing them out to coworkers and classmates at future campuses. When I became a wife and mother, I always gave those happy suns to those who I visit taught and once got to incorporate the story into a lesson of my own on Sunday—thereby completing the circle that started more than a decade ago. But the biggest blessings from scattering sunshine were yet to come. And then I would truly find out that ultimately we are blessed in greater measure when we take the time from our busy lives and give a bit of ourselves to others.
After 7 years of marriage, my once faithful, spiritual, supportive husband decided he needed to be with someone else and later left the country. Facing the prospect of being alone with a newborn and preschooler, I decided to go back to school and get my teaching license so I could be on a schedule where I could still take care of my children. I looked at a variety of scholarships and started filling out their applications. I began to be grateful that I had an impressive record of involvement and grades which looked good on paper, making me sure I would get one of those academic scholarships.
The last scholarship application I looked at had me stumped—I had to write an essay about why my lifestyle is one of high moral character. “Who’s going to believe that a single mom with two kids has any virtue?” I thought to myself.
It took a professor’s nudge, to propel me toward completing this final scholarship application that seemed like the biggest longshot; but the words that needed to be written gently permeated my heart. I thought when I was younger that high morals meant staying away from vices like alcohol, drugs and premarital sex, and I did all those things, but as I got older I realized that it meant more—like helping the difficult neighbor, taking the high road in a divorce for the sake of the children, choosing not to be bitter, but kind. I decided to include the story of my sunshine scattering in closing my essay, urging them to pass along the sunshine into my family’s lives and the children that I will teach someday. Out of all the grants I deemed achievable, I was awarded this one I thought impossible, which was actually the most valuable monetarily.
When I reread my essay after getting the news, I realized I needed to work harder for those ideals in my life and continue the pattern of giving to others. After completing student teaching and embarking on starting a school enrichment program in my own home, I found that though I had little to give, I could still contribute in smaller ways. I discovered single parents with greater needs, shared my excess and used my thrifty shopping skills to help them save big on groceries and find needed items like bikes and clothes. I helped guide moms and dads who where still trying to navigate themselves while dealing with divorce and separation. These activities were a nice distraction as I latersaw my own troubles worsening.
It has been humbling when I find myself in a position of being in need rather than more able to give. I have found the most painful part to be asking for help. I get down on myself for not being able to do it all and feel guilty for receiving help when it was offered. But then I think about the sunshines I once shared liberally. What if my gifts had been refused? What blessings would never have come if I had not decided to offer more of myself to those around me? How would denying the help of others allow me to follow the Savior’s commandment to “be one”? I now see the blessings in receiving as well as giving and will use the gifts of these experiences to help pass blessings on to those in my sphere of influence.
I’m so grateful for the bright angels who have brought their light into my life in my darkest times of need. I will never be able to repay such boundless kindness, but I will give a small token with a bright smile and a grateful prayer. May those blessings lovingly given to me and others be returned in greater measure like those sunshines scattered long ago.
--Liza Zmolek Wright
Scatter Sunshine, - Lanta Wilson Smith
In a world where sorrow Ever will be known, Where are found the needy And the sad and lone,How much joy and comfort You can all bestow, If you scatter sunshine Ev'rywhere you go.Scatter sunshine all along your way. Cheer and bless and brighten Ev'ry passing day.Scatter sunshine all along your way. Cheer and bless and brighten Ev'ry passing day.
A Smattering of of Sunshine in Story, Song and Rhyme
Ok, finally decided to start using a blog since everyone else is doing it....I will start with some stuff I wrote a couple years ago, up to the present....curious to see if anyone is really out there :)
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